just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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