You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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