dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Terrible idea I love it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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