At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My penis needs a shock collar
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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