She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
