perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it's like iHOP with fire
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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