Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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