Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
