I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
