its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
