im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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