I'm really into asian looking animals
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
