the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
