i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
