i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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