Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
