He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
