I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
