miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
