Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
