Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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