it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
