Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
