i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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