I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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