he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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