"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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