just come out here and I will go home with you...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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