i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
