actually, I'm a sock model
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
