I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
