I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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