Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
