Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
