I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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