Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
