when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
