Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
did i just pee glitter
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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