I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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