I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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