my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
