just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who died my cat blue again?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
