It's Friday. Sex?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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