No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
