i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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