You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
