If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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