Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
