So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
