Michael Bay diarrhea
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
