I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
