There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
