Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
