i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I love having hate sex.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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