Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
