I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i drank out of a bidet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
