she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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