Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Boobs are out for the taking
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
