my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
