Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I want a musical about memes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
