the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
