You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
