I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
