my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
