i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
