i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
