i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
